Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.
Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it’s written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.
Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
Exiles, similes, and reviles;
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far;
One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.
Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.
Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation’s OK
When you correctly say croquet,
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.
Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
And enamour rhyme with hammer.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.
Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
Though the differences seem little,
We say actual but victual.
Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
Fe0ffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
Dull, bull, and George ate late.
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific.
Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the differences, moreover,
Between mover, cover, clover;
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice;
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.
Petal, panel, and canal,
Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor.
Tour, but our and succour, four.
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, Korea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.
Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion and battalion.
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron, granary, canary.
Crevice and device and aerie.
Face, but preface, not efface.
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
Ear, but earn and wear and tear
Do not rhyme with here but ere.
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.
Pronunciation (think of Psyche!)
Is a paling stout and spikey?
Won’t it make you lose your wits,
Writing groats and saying grits?
It’s a dark abyss or tunnel:
Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.
Finally, which rhymes with enough,
Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.
My advice is to give up!!!
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ˈdɪərɪst ˈkriːʧər ɪn kri(ː)ˈeɪʃən,
ˈstʌdi ˈɪŋglɪʃ prəˌnʌnsɪˈeɪʃən.
aɪ wɪl tiːʧ jʊ ɪn maɪ vɜːs
saʊndz laɪk kɔːps, kɔː, hɔːs, ənd wɜːs.
aɪ wɪl kiːp juː, ˈsuːzi, ˈbɪzi,
meɪk jə hɛd wɪð hiːt grəʊ ˈdɪzi.
teər ɪn aɪ, jə drɛs wɪl teə.
səʊ ʃəl aɪ! əʊ hɪə maɪ preə.
ʤəst kəmˈpeə hɑːt, bɪəd, ənd hɜːd,
daɪz ənd ˈdaɪət, lɔːd ənd wɜːd,
sɔːd ənd swɔːd, rɪˈteɪn ənd ˈbrɪtn.
(maɪnd ðə ˈlætə, haʊ ɪts ˈrɪtn.)
naʊ aɪ ˈʃʊəli wɪl nɒt pleɪg juː
wɪð sʌʧ wɜːdz əz plɑːk ənd ˈeɪgjuː.
bət bi ˈkeəfʊl haʊ jʊ spiːk:
seɪ breɪk ənd steɪk, bət bliːk ənd striːk;
ˈkləʊvn, ˈʌvn, haʊ ənd ləʊ,
skrɪpt, rɪˈsiːt, ʃəʊ, ˈpəʊɪm, ənd təʊ.
hɪə mi seɪ, dɪˈvɔɪd əv ˈtrɪkəri,
ˈdɔːtə, ˈlɑːftə, ənd tɜːpˈsɪkəri,
ˈtaɪfɔɪd, ˈmiːzlz, ˈtɒpslz, aɪlz,
ˈɛksaɪlz, ˈsɪmɪliz, ənd rɪˈvaɪlz;
ˈskɒlə, ˈvɪkə, ənd sɪˈgɑː,
ˈsəʊlə, ˈmaɪkə, wɔːr ənd fɑː;
wʌn, əˈnɛməni, bælˈmɒrəl,
ˈkɪʧɪn, ˈlaɪkən, ˈlɔːndri, ˈlɒrəl;
ˈgɜːtruːd, ˈʤɜːmən, wɪnd ənd maɪnd,
siːn, mɛlˈpɒmɪni(ː), mænˈkaɪnd.
ˈbɪlɪt dəz nɒt raɪm wɪð ˈbæleɪ,
bu(ː)ˈkeɪ, ˈwɒlɪt, ˈmælɪt, ˈʃæleɪ.
blʌd ənd flʌd ə nɒt laɪk fuːd,
nɔː z məʊld laɪk ʃəd ənd wʊd.
ˈvɪskəs, ˈvaɪkaʊnt, ləʊd ənd brɔːd,
təˈwɔːd, tə ˈfɔːwəd, tə rɪˈwɔːd.
ənd jə prəˌnʌnsɪˈeɪʃənz ˈəʊˈkeɪ
wɛn jʊ kəˈrɛktli seɪ ˈkrəʊkeɪ,
ˈraʊndɪd, ˈwuːndɪd, griːv ənd sɪv,
frɛnd ənd fiːnd, əˈlaɪv ənd lɪv.
ˈaɪvi, ˈprɪvi, ˈfeɪməs; ˈklæmə
ənd ɪˈnæmə raɪm wɪð ˈhæmə.
ˈrɪvə, ˈraɪvəl, tuːm, bɒm, kəʊm,
dɒl ənd rəʊl ənd səm ənd həʊm.
ˈstreɪnʤə dəz nɒt raɪm wɪð ˈæŋgə,
ˈnaɪðə dəz dɪˈvaʊə wɪð ˈklæŋgə.
səʊlz bət faʊl, hɔːnt bət ɑːnt,
fɒnt, frʌnt, wəʊnt, wɒnt, grænd, ənd grɑːnt,
ʃuːz, gəʊz, dʌz. naʊ fɜːst seɪ ˈfɪŋgə,
ənd ðɛn ˈsɪŋə, ˈʤɪnʤə, ˈlɪŋgə,
rɪəl, ziːl, məʊv, gɔːz, gaʊʤ ənd geɪʤ,
ˈmærɪʤ, ˈfəʊlɪɪʤ, ˈmɪrɑːʒ, ənd eɪʤ.
ˈkwɪəri dəz nɒt raɪm wɪð ˈvɛri,
nɔː dəz ˈfjʊəri saʊnd laɪk ˈbɛri.
dʌst, lɒst, pəʊst ənd dʌθ, klɒθ, ləʊθ.
ʤɒb, nɒb, ˈbʊzəm, ˈtrænsəm, əʊθ.
ðəʊ ðə ˈdɪfrənsɪz siːm ˈlɪtl,
wi seɪ ˈækʧʊəl bət ˈvɪtl.
rɪˈfɜː dəz nɒt raɪm wɪð ˈdɛfə.
Fe0ffer dʌz, ənd ˈzɛfə, ˈhɛfə.
mɪnt, paɪnt, ˈsɛnɪt ənd sɪˈdeɪt;
dʌl, bʊl, ənd ʤɔːʤ ɛt leɪt.
ˈsiːnɪk, ˈærəbɪk, pəˈsɪfɪk,
ˈsaɪəns, ˈkɒnʃəns, ˌsaɪənˈtɪfɪk.
ˈlɪbəti, ˈlaɪbrəri, hiːv ənd ˈhɛvn,
ˈreɪʧəl, eɪk, məsˈtɑːʃ, ɪˈlɛvn.
wi seɪ ˈhæləʊd, bət əˈlaʊd,
ˈpiːpl, ˈlɛpəd, təʊd, bət vaʊd.
mɑːk ðə ˈdɪfrənsɪz, mɔːˈrəʊvə,
bɪˈtwiːn ˈmuːvə, ˈkʌvə, ˈkləʊvə;
ˈliːʧɪz, ˈbrɪʧɪz, waɪz, prɪˈsaɪz,
ˈʧælɪs, bət pəˈliːs ənd laɪs;
ˈkæməl, ˈkʌnstəbl, ʌnˈsteɪbl,
ˈprɪnsəpl, dɪˈsaɪpl, ˈleɪbl.
ˈpɛtl, ˈpænl, ənd kəˈnæl,
weɪt, səˈpraɪz, plæt, ˈprɒmɪs, pæl.
wɜːm ənd stɔːm, ʧeɪz, ˈkeɪɒs, ʧeə,
ˈsɛnətə, spɛkˈteɪtə, meə.
tʊə, bət ˈaʊər ənd ˈsʌkə, fɔː.
gæs, əˈlæs, ənd ˈɑːkənsɔː.
siː, aɪˈdɪə, kəˈrɪə, ˈeərɪə,
sɑːm, məˈriːə, bət məˈleərɪə.
juːθ, saʊθ, ˈsʌðən, klɛnz ənd kliːn.
ˈdɒktrɪn, ˈtɜːpəntaɪn, məˈriːn.
kəmˈpeər ˈeɪljən wɪð ɪˈtæljən,
ˈdændɪlaɪən ənd bəˈtæljən.
ˈsæli wɪð ˈælaɪ, jeɪ, jiː,
aɪ, aɪ, aɪ, eɪ, weɪ, ənd kiː.
seɪ əˈvɜː, bət ˈɛvə, ˈfiːvə,
ˈnaɪðə, ˈlɛʒə, skeɪn, dɪˈsiːvə.
ˈhɛrən, ˈgrænəri, kəˈneəri.
ˈkrɛvɪs ənd dɪˈvaɪs ənd ˈeəri.
feɪs, bət ˈprɛfɪs, nɒt ɪˈfeɪs.
flɛm, flɛgˈmætɪk, æs, glɑːs, beɪs.
lɑːʤ, bət ˈtɑːgɪt, ʤɪn, gɪv, ˈvɜːʤɪŋ,
ɔːt, aʊt, ʤaʊst ənd ˈskaʊə, ˈskɜːʤɪŋ.
ɪə, bət ɜːn ənd weər ənd teə
dʊ nɒt raɪm wɪð hɪə bət eə.
ˈsɛvn z raɪt, bət səʊ z ˈiːvən,
ˈhaɪfən, ˈrʌfn, ˈnɛvju(ː) ˈstiːv(ə)n,
ˈmʌŋki, ˈdɒŋki, tɜːk ənd ʤɜːk,
ɑːsk, grɑːsp, wɒsp, ənd kɔːk ənd wɜːk.
prəˌnʌnsɪˈeɪʃən (θɪŋk əv ˈsaɪki(ː)!)
ɪz ə ˈpeɪlɪŋ staʊt ənd ˈspaɪki?
wəʊnt ɪt meɪk jʊ luːz jə wɪts,
ˈraɪtɪŋ grəʊts ənd ˈseɪɪŋ grɪts?
ɪts ə dɑːk əˈbɪs ɔː ˈtʌnl:
struːn wɪð stəʊnz, stəʊd, ˈsɒləs, ˈgʌnl,
ˈɪzlɪŋtən ənd aɪl əv waɪt,
ˈhaʊswaɪf, ˈvɜːdɪkt ənd ɪnˈdaɪt.
ˈfaɪnəli, wɪʧ raɪmz wɪð ɪˈnʌf,
ðəʊ, θruː, plaʊ, ɔː dəʊ, ɔː kɒf?
ˈhɪkʌp həz ðə saʊnd əv kʌp.
maɪ ədˈvaɪs ɪz tə gɪv ʌp!
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